BCIFV home > Media Releases > March 1, 2000

For Immediate Release
Contact: Penny Bain, ED, (604) 669-7055
March 1, 2000  

Opinion:

Durrach Case Raises Separate But Related Issue

Teaching children to define personal boundaries helps them in adult life

by Penny Bain and Lynne Melcombe
BC Institute Against Family Violence

The debate over a rape victim's right to privacy as opposed to an accused rapist's right to a full defense has gone on for a long time. And, whatever the Supreme Court decides regarding the current go-around between Andrew Scott Durrach and his ex-girlfriend, the matter is unlikely to be permanently resolved any time soon.

But there's an aspect to this issue not covered in the press that is at once tangential and crucial: How do two people in a relationship arrive at a place in which one may have set a precedent for violence by saying 'no' when she meant 'yes' and the other may have set a precedent for being permitted to interpret 'no' as 'yes'.

Allow us to be absolutely clear: We are not saying that we believe Durrach's story over his ex-girlfriend's. Only the parties involved know the truth, and only the judge and jury who are privy to full details are in a position to decide whose story is more believable.

That said, we would be naive if we did not admit that circumstances such as those alleged by Durrach sometimes arise and can lead to life-altering trauma for either or both parties involved.

As an organization committed to research and education on family violence - under which umbrella we include intimate violence - we believe the end to family violence dwells in the same place as it begins: the home. If we want to protect our daughters from actions such as those allegedly committed by Durach, and to protect our sons from actions such as those allegedly committed by the complainant, we must begin teaching our sons and daughters alike:

Allow us to reiterate: We are not saying that we believe Durrach's story over his ex-girlfriend's. And we are not naive enough to believe that we can, by following the above guidelines, protect every potential victim from harm - or every alleged aggressor from unfounded accusations.

The point we are making has nothing to do with deciding where blame lies in this case or any other. It has to do with a different point that this case raises for scrutiny.

That is that we, as a society, must see the importance of teaching our children about their own responsibilities within all their relationships. We must adequately convey to them that healthy relationships begin with clearly defined and well-protected boundaries. We must learn to model those healthy relationships for them, and with them. We must show them that setting boundaries is a function of self-respect, and honouring others' boundaries extends that respect outward.

In the immediate context of the Durrach case, comments like these will not help the Supreme Court of Canada decide whose rights supercede who else's. Nor will they help the lower-court judge and jury determine guilt or innocence.

But in the context of our long-term goal of eliminating family violence, we believe our comments are vital. Ending family violence requires that we all take a long, hard, painful look at our own responsibility in passing from one generation to the next the values, customs, and habits that can either sustain a social environment in which family violence thrives -- and in which alleged aggressors can successfully use the defense Durrach is using -- or create a new social environment in which family violence is more likely to be averted. We advocate for the latter.

For more information, please contact Penny Bain, Executive Director of BCIFV, at (604) 669-7055 or www.bcifv.org.