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Healing Approaches To Male Survivors in Groups

Culturally, men come together in competition. Conversely, male survivors of sexual abuse come together with shared interest, a need to experience the vulnerability of their having been wounded, and a common goal of working towards personal recovery.

Childhood sexual abuse is a wounding of the entire reality of the child. The boy-victim's physical, emotional, sexual, familial, social, and spiritual realities are compromised in the assault. The male survivor's entire reality bears the scarring of this assault. Some traumatic examples of this scarring include alcoholism, substance abuse, relationship instability, eating disorders, sexual dysfunctions, compulsive sexual activity, family violence, workaholism, homophobia, misogyny, emotional isolation, intrusive memories, and dissociative disorders. Because the boy-victim's experience of personal integrity is compromised by the assault, the adult male survivor's experience of his body, his mind, his emotions and his spirituality is distorted.

Many men find themselves emotionally impoverished. They may be limited to experiencing only one or two significant emotions, for example anger and the satisfaction of desire. Male survivors also find themselves significantly limited in the range of their emotional vocabularies. Describing what they feel or how they experience their woundedness is a daunting challenge. Identifying their emotional experiences is one of the steps available for the men to extend their range of emotionality. For example, through the use of metaphor and dialogue within a group setting they can extend their emotional range beyond anger to the experiences of mutuality, being supported, feeling encouraged, feeling recognized and acknowledged by other men. Additionally, they might explore feelings of sadness, fear, helplessness, loss and/or grief. The range of available emotions is only limited by the willingness of the male survivor's group to explore their experiences.

Additionally, there are gender specific issues for male survivors. One question often raised is, "what is maleness?" Male identity has several possible foundations. Among the possible foundations, maleness may be grounded in an individual's experience of taking his place as adult, provider, partner, and/or father. Maleness can be experienced in the job challenges and career experiences available to a man. It can conversely be grounded in the cultural experiences of power and dominance available to adult men or can also be viewed from a merely genetic or sexual role perspective. Exploring the question of male identity allows the male survivor to explore and understand the impact that childhood sexual assault had on him. It is important for each man to define his own experience of male identity in a manner that incorporates his emotions.

Pursuing the question of maleness also leads to the questions of what are appropriate male sex roles and appropriate male sexual expectations? Is male sexuality limited to a dominant position within heterosexual intercourse? Or does male sexuality also allow for the experiences of homosexuality, bisexuality and other sexual forms or expressions? Male survivors face questions around the links between their experiences of sexuality and intimacy; sexuality and power. Does the male experience of sexuality leave room for a fulfilling relationship? Can a survivor who is experiencing sexual dysfunction maintain an intimate/partner relationship while working on his recovery? Should men settle for genital satisfaction? Exploring these and other questions of sexuality allows the survivor to reclaim sexual health from his experience of having been sexually victimized. By opening up traditional male stereotypes, the survivor can define his sexual identity in his own terms.

Furthermore we might ask how does a man avoid the pit-falls of excessive sensitivity or macho posturing or homophobia or misogyny? For example, a boy-victim who experienced sensual pleasure during a sexual assault by a male may fear his experience will make him "homosexual". In order to protect himself from becoming homosexual this man may externalize his fears of his attraction to other men and violently react to the homosexuals he encounters. In another example, a survivor who was assaulted by a female "baby-sitter" may express his anger as violence and rage against all women.

A male survivor's group faces the challenge of moving deeper into their exploration of recovery and healing. How do men who have touched and shared their woundedness move into reclaiming a fuller range of personal experience? The group at this stage would help each member explore his senses, critical mind, intuition and spirituality. This "connecting" with one's core-reality is the experience of the personal as intimate. It is the ground of spirituality and growth. This is the healing connection.

Brian Callahan, M. Div.,
Registered Clinical Counsellor
Telephone: (604) 222-9291