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Battering in Lesbian Relationships Part Two: Owning the Problem

Barriers exist for all battered women who seek help. In lesbian relationships the issue of homophobia adds to the barriers faced by victims in a number of ways. As a community, lesbians have not wanted to address the issue of lesbian battering in order to protect our image in the heterosexual community. We fear that we may provide more ammunition to an already homophobic culture if we admit to the prevalence of violence within lesbian relationships. This fear that we will be perceived as pathological or unsafe is anchored in the reality of the ways in which we are scapegoated by the dominant culture.

When we include in our discussion those lesbians who have children, additional legal barriers surface that can hamper services for battered lesbians. If the batterer is the biological mother to the children, the victim has no legal parenting or custody rights. Although she may have co-parented the children for years, her decision to leave the batterer may mean that she will have no access to her children. If she reports to the Ministry of Social Services that the children are in a potentially harmful situation, the children may end up in foster care and with neither of the parents.

The fear of being outed by an abusive partner may prevent a victim from accessing services. The threat increases the more closeted a victim is in her workplace or private life. At the very least, being outed is a violation of boundaries and privacy, while at its worst it could result in the loss of a career and the source of income and security. To receive the help she needs and to utilize existing services, the victim will have to come out whether she wishes to or not. Coming out is a major life decision; adding battering to the coming out process makes it overwhelming.

Myth	There is not a high incidence of lesbian battering.
Fact	Research shows that lesbian battering probably occurs at about the same rate as in heterosexual relationships.
Myth	Because two women are involved, not much injury could result.
Fact	The physical, sexual, psychological and emotional damage that is done is just as serious as in heterosexual relationships, and is unacceptable.
Myth	It only happens in the 'bar dyke' crowd.
Fact	Social or economic class or education are not factors.
Myth	Lesbians are loving and nonviolent - only men are violent!
Fact	Lesbians and other women are capable of using coercion and violence.
Myth	Only 'butches' batter.
Fact	There is no typical offender or victim.
Myth	It is okay to counsel both victim and offender together because they are both women.
Fact	It is not okay. If one of the clients were male, would it be advisable to see them together?
Myth	Lesbian service providers automatically know about lesbian battering.
Fact	All service providers need training.
Myth	There is no difference between working with a battered straight woman or a battered lesbian woman. No specialized training is required.
Fact	There are important differences and training is needed. For example, a woman who is a batterer in one relationship may be a victim in another relationship.

Just as the battered women's movement had to engage in consciousness raising and myth breaking, the same is true for battered lesbians. As a movement, lesbian battering is in some ways in the same place the battered women's movement was 20 years ago.

Research is needed, funding for training is required, and straight and lesbian women need to work together to address this issue.

About the authors: Gail Farmer and Julia Young are Associates of Lesbian and Gay Counselling and Consulting Services of Vancouver, B.C. LGCC provides holistic and life affirming counselling that supports lesbian, gay and bisexual lifestyles in all their richness and diversity. In addition to individual and relationship/couples counselling, the staff of LGCC provide community education on a variety of issues and concerns, and also provide consultation to health care professionals, counselling/education programs and other organizations and businesses.

For more information, contact:
Gail Farmer and Julia Young
Registered Clinical Counsellors
Lesbian and Gay Counselling and Consulting Services
P.O. Box 141, 3456 Dunbar Street
Vancouver, B.C. V6S 2C2
Telephone: (604) 222-7807

Part Two of Battering in Lesbian Relationships was presented in the Fall 1994 issue of the BCIFV Newsletter: Battering in Lesbian Relationships Part One: Mainstream Response and the Real Story.