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What is childhood exposure to family violence?

Several authors (e.g., Holden et al, 1998) and ourselves now prefer the word exposure because it is more comprehensive in describing the experience of seeing, hearing, observing the aftermath, and living in fear. The word witness implies eye witness and is sometimes confused with court witness or preparing children for court testimony.

Children exposed to family violence see, hear, and are aware of violence against their mother by their father or their mother's partner. They may witness the abuse directly, or they may be around the corner, up the stairs, trying to sleep in their beds, or they may see the aftermath of the abuse. They see and hear scenes which range from verbal abuse, slapping, and pushing to severe beatings and assaults with weapons or sexual assaults. They almost always hear verbal abuse and insults, which accompany the physical abuse, and which also occurs at other times.There is often an atmosphere of severe lack of respect for their mother by the abuser, and their mother is disempowered in many ways. The family environment in which these children must live is a "toxic environment" in which the children's well-being and development are severely compromised in many instances. Even when there is not an incident of physical abuse occurring, there is often an atmosphere of fear, anxiety, anger and tension which pervades the family home.

Power and control are at the centre of abusive relationships. The abuser uses abusive tactics to maintain his power and control over the victim. Abusive tactics include:

Verbal abuse: insults, put-downs, degrading language.

Emotional abuse: threats (e.g., threats to take away the children, threats to harm or kill the woman or her children, threats of suicide or murder-suicide).

Psychological abuse: undermining self-esteem, undermining the woman's parenting decisions, accusing the woman of unfaithfulness and being excessively suspicious of the woman's actions, controlling financial resources of the family to disempower the woman, isolating the victim from the extended family, friends and social connections in the community (e.g., deciding to move to a community where the woman knows no one, refusing to allow the woman to go out with friends, discouraging or forbidding contact with the woman's parents, refusing to allow the woman to attend language or job training.

Physical abuse: hitting, slapping, pushing, beating, assault with a weapon.

Sexual abuse: rape, forcing the woman to participate in sexual practices which the woman finds offensive or degrading.

There is often authoritarian rule by the father/male partner, and the mother is not allowed to make decisions in the family. The woman victim may come to experience low self-esteem, depression anxiety and feelings of hopelessness and self-blame which affect her coping abilities and also affect her parenting.

A code of secrecy is often enforced, so the abuse is not revealed to those outside the family. Children are taught not to tell about the abuse, and may be threatened with punishment for telling. Some families may move frequently when detection becomes likely, while other families live in the same neighborhood for years, with no one in the community taking action to assist the victims.

Excerpted from Sudermann, M., and Jaffe, P.G. (1998). Handbook for Health and Social Service Providers and Educators on Children Exposed to Woman Abuse/Family Violence. Manuscript submitted for publication.