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The dynamics of ex-intimate partner STALKING

by P. Randall Kropp, Ph.D.

ALthough stalking, or obsessional pursuit behavior, has likely always been a part of human existence, not until the establishment of criminal harassment legislation in North America has public policy and media attention focused on stalking behavior and its consequences. The heightened profile of this problem has enabled researchers to describe various typologies of stalkers based on behaviors, motivation (e.g., amorous pursuit vs. anger/revenge), and the victim-offender relationship (e.g., stranger versus acquaintance). Some early research efforts pointed to four general "types" of stalkers - erotomanic, love obsessional, grudge, and (ex-) intimate partner stalking. This typology has more or less withheld the scrutiny of subsequent investigations (Zona, et al., 1993; Cooper, 1994; Palarea, et al., 1999). However, much of the literature in this area has focused on high profile, anecdotal cases of "strangers" stalking celebrities or political figures, despite the fact that the vast majority of stalkers have had prior intimate relationships with their victims. In Canada, for example, current or former spouses/boyfriends account for 58% of stalking cases against female victims (Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics [CCJS], 1996).

Despite media portrayals of the deranged, homicidal "stranger" stalker, it is becoming clear that ex-intimate stalking is the most dangerous form of this behavior (Palarea, et al., 1999; Kropp, 1999). However, we are only beginning to understand the motivations and risk factors associated with ex-intimate stalking. Official statistics indicate that the majority of those arrested are male (CCJS, 1996), and this may provide us with some clues, but there may be many male victims of stalking that are undetected. This could be due to the embarrassment associated with reporting a stalking incident by a woman, or because a man is likely to experience less fear in such situations, and therefore the situation does not meet the "reasonable fear" standard existing in most criminal harassment laws. Nonetheless, it seems clear that stalking perpetrated by a male against a female is typically the most serious and dangerous form of ex-intimate partner stalking. A number of explanations for this phenomenon have been offered in the literature.

In its simplest form, stalking is the result of an individual refusing to "let go" of his relationship. Most of these cases are relatively low risk, and to understand the phenomenon one needs only to recall a difficult relationship break-up and, perhaps, one's own ruminations and attempts to reconcile. Of course, most individuals - through feedback from the ex-partner, friends, and family - eventually recognize when their behavior is inappropriate and futile. The situation becomes much more complicated, however, when the usual social cues and messages are not getting through. In such cases, the stalker becomes entrenched in the belief that his behavior is justified and necessary. It is likely that these beliefs are influenced by a number of societal and individual factors. For example, there are abundant messages in the media - television, cinema, literature - that support the ideal of persistent courtship: "If at first you don't succeed, .". In some cases, the pursuit of a new or former partner - often against the expressed wishes of the pursued person - is romanticized in the media. Examples in film include "The Graduate," or perhaps the more contemporary, "Something About Mary." A wonderful old song from "My Fair Lady" entitled "On the Street Where You Live" portrays a character waiting in his love interest's neighborhood for her to appear.

It is also very common for the ex-intimate stalker to have a history of perpetrating domestic violence (Burgess, et al., 1997; Kropp, 1999; Palarea, et al., 1999). These individuals are using the pursuit of an ex-partner as a means for controlling her after the relationship has terminated. An attitude of ownership or proprietariness is often present in such cases, which may be a risk factor for lethal violence (Cooper, 1994; Campbell, 1998). The risk factors in these cases are essentially the same as those for spousal assault, including: past assaultive behavior, drug and alcohol abuse, employment problems, attitudes supporting spousal violence, minimization and denial of abusive behaviors, sexual jealously, and so forth. Particularly complicated cases will also involve aspects of personality disorder, which is usually defined as a pervasive and maladaptive pattern of attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors. The most common pathological personality traits observed in ex-intimate stalkers relate to the so-called borderline and narcissistic personality disorders (Meloy, 1999). The "borderline" features include an overwhelming fear of abandonment, intense and changeable moods, explosive anger, and the tendency to fluctuate between idealizing and devaluing their intimate partners. This last feature is possibly the most dangerous, as many ex-intimate stalkers will over-idealize their partners until they suddenly "switch" - becoming angry, hateful, and vengeful. It is when love turns to hate that some of the most serious stalking-related violence takes place.

Two of the most commonly observed features of the ex-intimate stalker - a tendency to be self-absorbed and a sense of entitlement - are evidence of his narcissism.These individuals are absolutely convinced that their behavior is justified, and are unable to appreciate the perspective of others. The narcissist harbors a fundamental need for validation from others to substantiate his self-worth. For the narcissist, the intimate partner often serves the purpose of a "mirror" that reflects positive feedback in the form of compliments and reassurances. When that partner decides to leave the relationship, his mirror is shattered and he is left with feelings of insecurity and emptiness. This may in part explain the desperate quality of the harassing behavior displayed by narcissistic stalkers.

The emerging literature in this area is confirming that stalkers are a heterogeneous group of offenders. This statement is true even within the smaller category of ex-intimate partner stalkers. Treatment and management of risk will depend on the nature of the behavior, the risk factors present, and the degree of psychopathology evident. For example, many ex-intimate cases might only require a visit by a police officer to assert that the stalker's behavior is illegal and causing distress to the victim. For the generally pro-social "ex-boyfriend" having difficulty letting go, this strategy often suffices. However, more complicated cases involving patriarchal, possessive, and violent attitudes regarding women might require attendance for spousal assault treatment. Cases further complicated by substance abuse, borderline personality, delusional jealousy and depression will often require some combination of individual counseling and medication. Unfortunately, very little is known about effective treatment for stalkers, but most research indicates the majority of ex-intimate stalking lessens or disappears altogether given time and an appropriate response by the criminal justice system.

Randy Kropp is a Clinical & Forensic Psychologist with the BC Forensic Psychiatric Services Commission and Research Consultant for the BCIFV.

References

Burgess, A. W., Baker, T. Greening, D., Hartman, C. R., Burgess, A. G., Douglas, J. E., & Halloran. (1997). Stalking behaviors within domestic violence. Journal of Family Violence, 12(4), 389-403.

Campbell, J. C. (1998, October). Commentary. In D. McGrogan (Chair), Lethality and risk assessment for family violence cases. Symposium presented at the 4th International Conference on Children Exposed to Family Violence, San Diego, California.

Campbell, J. C. (1999, November). Issues in risk assessment in the field of intimate partner violence. Keynote address presented at the Conference on Risk Assessment and Risk Management: Implications for the Prevention of Violence. Vancouver, British Columbia.

Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics. (1996). Criminal harassment. Ottawa: Minister of Industry.

Cooper, M. (1994). Wasted lives: The tragedy of homicide in the family. Vancouver, BC: British Columbia Institute on Family Violence.

Kropp, P. R. (1999, November). Risk in a forensic psychiatric sample of stalkers. Paper presented at the Conference on Risk Assessment and Risk Management: Implications for the Prevention of Violence. Vancouver, British Columbia.

Meloy, J. R. (1999). The psychology of stalking. In J. R. Meloy (Ed.). The psychology of stalking: Clinical and forensic perspectives. San Diego: Academic Press.

Palarea, R. E., Zona, M. A., Lane, J. C., & Langhinrichsen-Rohling, J. (1999). The dangerous nature of intimate relationship stalking: Threats, violence, and associated risk factors. Behavioral Sciences and the Law, 17, 269-283.