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Safety Planning for Victims of Intimate Partner Violence

by Sharon Agar, MA

Abuse can happen in any intimate relationship. Abuse victims may be straight or gay, old or young, male or female, dating, living together, or married. Abuse can take many forms, including physical abuse (e.g., pushing, punching, or choking you), sexual abuse (e.g., forced sex, sexual practices that humiliate or degrade you) emotional abuse (e.g., humiliation, constant criticism, controlling your behaviour), or financial abuse (e.g., not allowing you to have any money of your own).

Although you do not have control over your partner's abusive behaviour, there are steps you can take to increase your safety and the safety of your children. Developing a safety plan involves identifying actions you can take before, during, and after a violent incident to increase your safety. Your safety plan will probably need to change as circumstances change - be prepared to review your plan frequently and revise it as necessary.

Before An Attack

• Assess your level of danger. There are certain signs that indicate that you are at risk of serious injury or being killed by the abuser. The Danger Assessment can help you think about your own level of danger.
• Abusers often isolate their victims from friends and family. If this has happened to you, try to re-establish contacts. Talk to friends and family about the abuse and how they may be able to help you.
• Look for resources in your community that help victims of abuse - they can provide emotional support, help you make a safety plan, and help you access other resources (i.e., crisis and subsidized housing, legal aid, social assistance, counseling).
• Think of safe places to go during/after the next attack - a friend's house, the battered women's shelter/transition house, a hotel, etc.
• Ask your neighbours to call the police if they hear any loud noises.
• Make an emergency kit. Hide it in your home (if you are certain your abuser will not find it) or leave it with a friend.

Your kit should include:

• A change of clothes for yourself and your children
• An extra set of keys (house, car, bank lock boxes, etc.)
• Emergency money, credit cards, blank checks, bank books
• Important papers or photocopies of these papers (e.g., you and your children's birth certificates, health cards, social insurance numbers, your marriage license, title to your home and car, financial records)
• A list of important phone numbers (e.g., health care provider, emergency shelter or transition home, crisis line, friends and family, your lawyer)
• Your safety plan
• Talk to your children about safety planning, and rehearse with them the steps in your plan. For example, teach them their address, how to dial 911, and how to keep themselves safe during an attack (i.e., go to the neighbour's house).
• Create a code word with your children and/or friends so they know when to call for help.
• Get rid of any guns or weapons that are in the house.
• Identify signs in your relationship that an episode of violence is going to happen soon - there is often a build-up of tension in the days or weeks prior to an abusive incident, and it is best to leave or get help before the violence happens.
• Keep your safety plan a secret from the abuser - the violence often increases when the victim is trying to leave.
• Don't tell your abuser face to face that you are leaving - phone him or her after you have left from a secret location (talk to your phone company about blocking "Caller ID" features so that he or she cannot identify where you are).

During An Attack

• You may be able to reduce your chance of injury during an attack by curling up in a ball and covering your head with your hands. Also, try to stay out of rooms that have potential weapons (i.e., bathroom, kitchen, garage) or where you don't have access to an outside door.
• Make as much noise as possible during an attack so the neighbours will hear you and call the police.
• Use your code word with your children so that they will leave and get help.
• Leave your home and take your children with you as soon as possible. Go to a friend or family member's house, a shelter or transition house, a hotel, or any public place where you can call for help.
• Call 911 as soon as possible. Tell the operator what is happening and where you are. Tell the operator if there is a weapon or drugs involved.

After An Attack

• Get medical attention for any injuries as soon as possible. Tell the doctor or nurse how you got injured and ask them to document this in their notes. If possible, ask them to take pictures of your injuries.
• You may need to take legal action against your abuser in the future. Save any evidence of the assault, including ripped or bloody clothes, medical records, police reports, weapons, and pictures of any damaged property or disarray in the house.
• If you have not done so already, contact resources in your community who work with victims of intimate partner violence. They can help you make a plan for your future.

How to Help Victims of Intimate Partner Violence

Victims of abuse often need the assistance of friends, family, and community professionals to help them increase their safety. If someone tells you that she or he is being abused, the most important thing to do is to reassure the person that you believe her or him and that you will try to help. There are a number of ways that you can help victims of intimate abuse.

1. Listen and provide emotional support Just having someone to talk to will be helpful for the victim. It is often difficult for victims to admit that they have been abused due to feelings of shame and guilt. You can help victims by letting them know that they are not alone ( click here for more information). Tell the victim that she or he is not to blame for the abuse. It is the abuser that is choosing to be violent. Victims also need to hear that they cannot stop the abuse by changing their own behaviour. The abuser will not stop until he or she decides to change.

2. Help the victim to think about the current level of danger Victims need to be aware of the danger in their situation. You can help make the victim aware of risk factors associated with serious injury and being killed by the abuser (see the Danger Assessment). If you believe that the victim is in danger, tell her or him honestly. If the victim does not agree with you, even after reviewing the Danger Assessment risk factors, you must respect her or his decision. The goal is to provide the victim with as much information as possible and to support the victim in making her or his own choices.

If the victim is in immediate danger from the abuser, she or he should not return home. You can help by providing a temporary place for the victim to stay or taking the victim to a battered women's shelter/transition house or hotel. Also, help the victim obtain medical care if necessary and contact the police.

3. Help the victim develop a safety plan Safety planning is an extremely important step for victims of abuse (see above). Consider doing a safety plan for yourself as well - friends and family of victims can also be at risk. Call the police if the abuser threatens you in any way.

4. Help the victim access resources and services Community resources are key to helping victims increase their safety. Help the victim find resources in your community . If the victim is having difficulties accessing services, contact the services on her or his behalf. Friends and family can also help by providing childcare or transportation for the victim.

Looking for further information on this topic?

Information on abuse and safety planning from the Provincial Association of Transition Houses of Saskatchewan (P.A.T.H.S) http://www.hotpeachpages.org/paths/abuse.html - includes links related to same-sex partner abuse, older adults, teens, minority and ethnic groups, aboriginal peoples, rural abuse victims, male abuse victims, and persons with disabilities. Also links to provincial, national, and international resources for victims.

Information for professionals working with abuse victims from P.A.T.H.S. http://www.hotpeachpages.org/paths/medbook/contents.html - includes links for physicians, nurses, dentists, lawyers, police, educators, clergy, social workers, and veterinarians.

Important: be "surf-savvy"! How an abuser can trace your internet activities - points to know to keep them confidential - From P.A.T.H.S. http://www.hotpeachpages.org/paths/surfsavy.html & The American Bar Association

Copyright 2002 Canadian Health Network