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This Issue in Aware:
The Same Yet Different

Lynne Melcombe

In this issue of Aware, we look at family violence in LGBT relationships with articles on abuse in gay male partnerships, lesbian relationships, relationships in which one partner is transgender, and partnerships in which race/colour/ethnicity/culture is a factor. We also look at family violence as it impacts LGBTQ youth; and, spread throughout this issue, we include a glossary of pertinent terminology.

For many years, family violence has been seen as an expression of sexism and a tool of male domination. But what is becoming increasingly apparent is that it can also be expressed in a virtually unlimited range of other ways that allow any person who is inclined to exert power and control over another, to do so. As one writer observed, a batterer will use any means at his or her disposal to do the battering. (Elliott, 1996)

A quick review of the research into violence in the lives of LGBT people offers some interesting illustrations of its similarities to and differences from violence in the lives of heterosexual and non-trans folks:

• A woman who is abused in one same-sex relationship might go on to become the abuser in a subsequent relationship. (Elliott, 1996) In fact, the dynamics in a single relationship may shift over the course of the relationship so that the partner who began as the victim becomes the perpetrator, and vice versa. (Ristock, 2002)
• Because it can be difficult to distinguish primary aggressor and primary victim, same-sex abuse is often mistakenly dismissed as “mutual battering.” Careful assessment can assist service providers in clearing up confusion and complexities. For example, perpetrators often deny responsibility or claim that the violence was “a two-way street”; victims may rush to take responsibility, make excuses for their partners, or deny having been abused; perpetrators sometimes say they’ve been abused, yet service providers suspect they may be abusive; victims may act out in violent ways to defend themselves or retaliate, but still be the primary victim; or there may be shifting power dynamics in relationships. ((Fray-Witzer, 1999; Safe Choices, 2004).
• Isolation of victims—a characteristic of all forms of family violence—can be exacerbated by a number of unique factors. For example, for abused gays, lesbians, and trans folks, seeking help is tantamount to coming out, with potential ramifications as far-reaching as loss of straight friends and family, loss of employment and child custody, and increased isolation. Disclosure of abuse can also mean loss of friends and family in the queer community. At the same time, fear of further homophobic and transphobic treatment at the hands of the justice and social-service systems can leave victims feeling they have no options whatsoever. (Elliott, 1996)
• HIV/AIDS plays troubling roles in some abusive relationships. A gay male batterer might use his partner’s HIV status to coerce him into tolerating the abuse because ‘no one else would want him.’ At the same time, an HIV+ batterer might manipulate his partner’s guilt over leaving him alone with his illness to keep the victim in the relationship, or might threaten to deliberately infect a partner who discloses the abuse. (Merrill, 1996)
• A bisexual batterer may use his or her ability to pass as straight to gain advantage over a lesbian or gay partner. On the other hand, a battering partner may threaten to out a bisexual partner to straight friends and family, and simultaneously as not a ‘real’ lesbian or gay male to the LGBT community. (Sulis, 1999)
• Queer members of minority cultures are often more closely tied with their cultural communities than with the LGBT community. This can increase their vulnerability and isolation, but this knowledge can also be used to enhance outreach. Some services have found that advertising for volunteers in minority newspapers, rather than LBGT publications, improved their ability to serve minority communities, (Méndez, 1996) while others have found mixed-gender survivor support groups, while not without challenges, effective in reaching LGBT members of minority groups. (Johnson, 1999)
• Research into family violence and LGBT youth tends to be skewed by the fact that few LGBT people come out in their teens, so any survey of LGBT youth tends to be self-selected. Even at this, however, it is clear that LGBT youth: experience more physical and sexual abuse than straight/and non-trans youth; are exposed to frequent verbal and sometimes physical abuse from peers at school; participate in high-risk activities more than straight/and non-trans youth, and often leave home earlier; and are at higher risk than straight/and non-trans youth for attempting, and succeeding at, suicide. (McCreary Centre Society, 1999)
• Not all people who experience gender dysphoria would make the transition from FTM or MTF even if there were no obstacles; many simply wish to be accepted as they are by a society that has difficulty perceiving gender roles other than non-trans, heterosexual male and female. (Goldberg, 2004).

What is clear is that while all forms of family violence have one fundamental thing—the abuse itself—in common, each manifestation of family violence is unique. What this means for family violence researchers and service providers is also clear: the opportunities for ground-breaking research and innovative services are wide open.

In our own small bit of ground-breaking, at least in terms of this publication, this issue of Aware was compiled by an editorial committee consisting of: Lynne Melcombe of touchpoint communication, our managing editor for over a year; Jenny Fry, librarian and coordinator of the BCIFV Resource Centre; and Cindy Holmes, Program Manager of the BC Association of Specialized Victim Assistance and Counselling Programs, and Coordinator of Safe Choices Program. We have all found it to be a positive experience, and we plan to duplicate it by inviting a community activist to help us compile our fall issue on family violence and homelessness. We hope this approach will bring inside insights to our theme while broadening our connections with the community. If you have thoughts on the results of this approach in this issue, or on the contents of this issue, please send your thoughts to reception@bcifv.org.

References

Elliott, P (1996) “Shattering illusions: same-sex domestic violence,” in Renzetti, CM, and Miley, CH, Violence in Gay and Lesbian Domestic Partnerships, Binghamton, NY: Harrington Park Press.

Fray-Witzer, E (1999) “Twice abused: same-sex domestic violence and the law,” in Lundy, SE, and Leventhal, B, Ed’s, Same-Sex Domestic Violence: Strategies for Change, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.

Goldberg, JM (2004) personal communication.

Johnson, R (1999) “Groups for gay and bisexual male survivors of domestic violence,” in Lundy, SE, and Leventhal, B, Ed’s, Same-Sex Domestic Violence: Strategies for Change, Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.

McCreary Centre Society (1999) Being Out Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Youth in BC: An Adolescent Health Survey, Burnaby, BC.

Méndez, JM (1996) “Serving gays and lesbians of color who are survivors of domestic violence,” in Renzetti, CM, and Miley, CH, Violence in Gay and Lesbian Domestic Partnerships, Binghamton, NY: Harrington Park Press.

Ristock, J (2002) No More Secrets: Violence in Lesbian Relationships, New York, NY: Routledge.

Safe Choices, (2004) “Handout on Assessment,” Vancouver, BC: Safe Choices.